Why is it that in order to spare someone's feelings we have to lie directly to their face? Wouldn't the truth be better? Is everybody so fragile that they cannot handle honesty?
I have traveled overseas a few times and while I enjoyed myself there was one aspect that used to really bother me. Merchants. The merchants in these countries are relentless and they prey on a tourists lies.
You could be walking in a town somewhere and the merchants call and nag you to come into their store, and when you do, they follow you you throughout the store and ask you over and over if you like something, and to be nice we all lie and say yes everything looks good. That's when they really come after you to buy it. If you refuse they get get a confused look on their faces and appear as if you have hurt their feelings. When you leave the store you feel bad for them.
This used to happen to me any time I went to a town when I traveled, except for my last trip where I finally found a fix for it.
There were these huts all crammed along the beach in Jamaica and my wife really wanted to see what they were selling. The first time we went there the store owners were exactly like they have been anywhere else we have been, pushy and they want your money. When we finally left the area I was dreading going back. Having to say "No thank you" a hundred times gets really hard after while but my wife did like a few things so you can guess that we were going to make our way back there eventually.
Something changed in me instantly when we did go back, the merchants would ask " do you like?" and instead of saying yes, I was honest and said "No, not really" (which felt really good) and they would look at me a bit confused, probably because no one ever said this to them before and ask "Why don't you like?" and I said "It's ugly" (which was 100 percent true as well) and can you guess what happened next? They left me alone! I could look at stuff in peace and buy something if I actually liked it! I wish I had thought of this years ago!
When your girlfriend or wife asks, "Does this make me look fat?" You have to understand that your girlfriend/wife likes to be complemented by you, she wants to know that you still find her attractive. She wants to catch you off guard and and get an honest reaction from you.
I would prefer if they just came out and asked me if I still found them attractive, but its kind of like they already know you are going to say yes so they try different ways to ask you.
I was on a dating website a few years ago and It would have been a lot easier if the women on there were honest with me, if they had said " I am interested in you and ten other guys and I'm seeing which one I like best." Isn't that what everyone on there is doing? I can respect honesty, even if I don't agree with it. They usually lie though " Oh no sweetie I am only interested in you. " Then they disappear for a week online and suddenly start talking to you as if a day hasn't gone by, lies, but I'm sure guys do the same thing.
If we were honest all the time and didn't tell all these little white
lies and play the silly games that we play this whole planet would be a
better place.
Do I look fat?
No, but we both
could stand to lose a few pounds, or yes you do, what would you like to do about it, or I'm
just going to eat more so we look the same.
Lets be very clear about truths, if you are angry, upset or sad, drunk,
or want to intentionally hurt someone because they hurt you. These are
lies.
If
everyone just started to be a little more honest with themselves and
other people I think you would really see a positive change in your
life. Figure out a way to express your feelings honestly without hurting someone else. Truth hurts, yes, but only because most of us aren't used to hearing it. If no one has ever been upfront and straight with you, how would you ever know that your life could be any better.
Scott Goerz
