I question myself all the time. Why am I up so late? Why don't I drink more water? Where did I put that thing? Am I losing my mind? I also tell myself that I should or should not be doing something but for some reason it almost never happens. I should exercise more, I should quit smoking, I shouldn't eat these chips before bed, I shouldn't have more coffee.
The worst part of asking myself these questions is I almost never listen to them. I don't heed my own advice. I know it's for my own good but I have always been a bit of a rebel.
The worst part of asking yourself a question is when you actually have no idea what you are doing to begin with but you are in the middle of it, you have started something and realize at that moment that perhaps what you are doing is either unsafe or just plain wrong, or you are in a sort of hypnotic state, going through the motions and you suddenly snap out of it.
One morning I woke up groggy as a person could be and still moving around, my mind needed coffee but it wasn't actually giving directions and my body was kind of moving on its own. In a daze I took the coffee can out of the cupboard it normally is located and put it in with the coffee mugs while taking a mug out of the cupboard, then I pulled out the filters, opened the cupboard to look for the coffee can. I probably stood there for ten minutes looking into the cupboard before I finally snapped back into full consciousness.
What the hell am I doing? I closed the cupboard removed the old filter, washed out everything and then went back to the cupboard to get the coffee can. To my dismay the can was not there and I had no idea where it was. I looked everywhere I thought my wife might have put the coffee, and I was get angrier by the second. Eventually, I completely gave up, and started to put things away, including my coffee cup.
I opened the cupboard for the mugs and saw the coffee can in there and stood dumbfounded for a few seconds. Then I laughed at my own stupidity (and mentally apologized to my wife.) I have done this type of thing to myself before, I have put screwdrivers in knife drawers, sugar in the refrigerator, milk in the cupboard, and a ton of the type of things like that continuously throughout my life.
If only I could ask myself "What am I doing?" sooner, it would alleviate all that stress later. If someone could tell me how to do that, it would be greatly appreciated.
I made my coffee cleaned up my mess and smiled inwardly as I took my first sip.
Scott Goerz
