What do you do when your preteen has figured out the secret world of internet sexting? What do you do when you find out they are potentially putting themselves in danger but will not listen to anything you say?
First off, you can't come down on them like they are the worst people in the world, as soon as you freak out on them they will automatically tune you out and anything you say afterwards on the subject, will go in one ear and out the other. It's terrifying as a parent in this situation, but jumping to conclusions and freaking out makes you look like a child yourself and garners no respect from anyone let alone your children.
You are going to have to come up with a way to talk to your children so they are interested in what you have say and want to listen.
Start the conversation with your sexting teen by talking about sex and
sexual desire. Talk to them about the natural urge to act on their
sexual feelings. Talk to them about how natural it is to be curious
about whether others find them sexy and desirable. Talk about how
tempting it is to try to pique the interest of someone they are
attracted to by using sexuality. There are many ways to show sexuality that do not include nudity, make-up for example, revealing clothing, cleavage, perfumes, colognes.
Talk about how strong the feeling can
be to share something intimate and personal with someone you are
attracted to and care about. Talk about how casually everyone
takes sex and nudity these days. Talk about how easy it is to get
attention from others (wanted or unwanted) by being sexual, especially
by exposing your body. Talk to them about the importance of sharing
this powerful, fun and very personal part of themselves with someone
under the right circumstances. Talk to them about the consequences of
rash, impulsive actions in the internet age. Talk to them about how nudity is a very private and personal thing, only to be shown to the most loved and trusted people in their lives and should not be given out freely for all to see.
Be sex positive, Sex is a good thing. It is a glorious, wonderful, scary, exciting,
enjoyable, powerful, delicious and sometimes overwhelming human
experience. It is something to anticipate, savor and treasure. It has
the ability to create a profound sense of intimacy. Don’t skip this
step. If all you do is talk about how horrible sexting (and sex) is and
how bad they are for doing this, you will lose a crucial opportunity to
help your kid start to figure out how to handle this sexualized
culture that surrounds them.
If you present sex as a bad, sinful, evil
thing you will handicap your kids in an important area of their life and
your kid will be unlikely to come to you for advice; and they need your
advice about this. You can’t afford to have your kid tune you out.
Show them the results of a person their own age that put nude pictures of themselves online, sexted strangers and how it spiraled out of control, show how it stared out innocently enough at first but got worse and worse as it went on. Let them know that you are worried that this could happen to them. Tell them that you love them and if they want to ask you anything, you will do your best to listen and answer as honestly as you can.
Some of this advice was taken from multiple online articles and combined in this one. I used the ones I thought to be the most valuable, I am not a doctor or psychologist, My goal is to help anyone who may need some simple advice.
Scott Goerz
