Friday, December 7, 2018

Been There, Done That

When I was growing up there was always something new to see or do. A new tv show or movie to watch, a new activity to do like go carting, or swimming at a water park. New friends to meet and new places to visit.

As a kid I could watch the same show a hundred times, and watch it a hundred more if it was my favorite. I used to love going to the park and playing a game called don't touch the ground tag, it involved jumping from one piece of equipment to the other and if someone saw you touch the ground you became the person who was the new tagger .

After hundreds of tv shows and movies, hundreds of games, as many trips to someplace new as I can remember, it all slowly began to change as I grew up. The things I used to love doing were starting to lose the excitement that I loved.

The same plot line for tv shows and movies, the same playground game finally lost its allure. Going to new places was getting boring and uneventful, the same trees in a different location, similar views, the same experiences, all of everything I used to love was getting boring.

I find it difficult to get excited about anything anymore, and the things I would look forward to I can't do because I can't afford it. So I sit in mediocrity, going through the motions of an activity but finding them less and less enjoyable.  I'm not sure what to do to entertain myself.

The price of aging isn't only getting older, it's more responsibilities that I have to worry about, my pets at home, my wife's happiness, road conditions, health of friends and family, work, and the consequences of my actions to myself, getting hurt doing something fun yet stupid does not happen anymore.

I feel like I have seen almost everything I have wanted to see, I own the things I have always wanted, and I have done almost everything I have wanted to do.  So I sit on the edge of not knowing what to do next, I am at an impasse of indecision and boredom. I imagine if I were to have children I could want something for them instead of myself.  I don't think about these thoughts very often, I do not enjoy self pity, from myself or anyone I know.

So as I stand here on the precipice of my achievements and can't help but wonder what is there to look forward to?  I haven't done everything by far, nor do I want to. I am satisfied with what I have achieved so far but I am waiting for the next thing even though I don't know what it is.  As long as it's new, I know for a fact that I won't be saying "Been there, Done that".

Scott Goerz