Imagine you met your high school sweetheart when you were 16 years old, and from there the two of you were inseparable, you did everything together and your love for each other blossomed well into adulthood. You got married soon after you both graduated, got careers together, and decided to have children.
20 years later the love has diminished and you argue with each other all the time, the only reason you can think of why you should be together is because it has been such a long time already, and the concept of being single terrifies you. Yet, soon enough, it happens, the fight that ends all fights splits your relationship apart forever. And suddenly, just like that, you are single.
This is a completely new experience to you, you have never really had to try and date anyone before, you were only sixteen when you first had a real partner, and you both kind of fell into each other without hardly trying, you have no experience dealing with the opposite sex and have no idea how to play the dating game. It is a game, and a damn painful one if you are not careful.
There are predators out there of the opposite sex, and they have been playing the dating game their whole lives, they have never been in a serious relationship and jump from person to person, never having to commit and leaving when ever someone better comes along. These people are expert daters, and they mainly look for sex. They know exactly how to flirt, act, respond, show or feint interest.
Being newly single you might think that heading to a local singles bar or event would be a good way to dip your toes into the proverbial water that is the singles bar. You might be much older now, but you have the dating mentality of less than a fifteen year old. Being in that bar would be like being a baby deer in den full of lions, you haven't got a chance and you will be torn apart like toilet paper at a chili convention.
It doesn't matter how much good intention you have, or your thoughts on the goodness of people, you don't have the mental capacity to spar with masters of a craft. The mind games that others will play on you without you even knowing that its happening are crippling when you learn the truth of things, Dating sites on the internet will play the same mental breakdown of your soul but at least there you don't have to worry about someone physically taking advantage of you.
You need to avoid the dating scene disaster. The way to do that is not to rush into something because you are lonely, you need to have patience. If someone likes you enough they will wait along with you, and not chase after someone else when they find out they don't have your immediate attention. Serial daters do not wait around, there are conquests to be had, and they can always come back to you.
Focus on what you want, and not a person who is only acceptable. Do not divulge important information about yourself, your life story, your pity for yourself, Nobody new wants to hear that at first, even if they ask for it. Be vague, change the subject, make sure look and act positive and happy.
You do have control over your situation, make sure that the other person knows that you are in full control, and cannot be manipulated or tricked, and for that you need to stand your ground and hold onto your ideals and morals. A very attractive person of the opposite sex can make you throw all caution to the wind and jump in head first.
It's your dating scene, so its up to you to decide if it becomes a disaster or not.
Scott Goerz
