If you are like me and had a long relationship at one point and it ended, or if you just haven't found that one person who is right for you to begin with, I'm here to give you a few ideas if you are on a dating site or if you are thinking about using a dating site.
First off, Dating sites are ruthless, there are people on there who just want sex, some are liars and cheats, others are on there just to see how many people they can interested in them and some are married spouses cheating on their mates. But here is some good news, if you are on a dating site and you are a generally good person, there is a really good chance that there is someone else exactly like you on that site that would be a perfect match for you. Now... How to find them.
I met my wife on a dating site, even though at the time I did not think it was possible. Here is what I did.
1. Be honest:
When I say honest I mean with everything, Your pictures should be of the current you, not one ten years ago. If someone asks you a personal question, give an honest answer and don't skirt the issue. If you are a smoker say you are one or if you have kids say how many, for example.
2. Write and type like an adult:
If you write like an autistic 2 year old just because it takes the least amount of effort what sort of mate do think that's going to attract. It just makes you look stupid.
3. Look like you normally do on a daily basis:
Jeans and a T-shirt, blouse and skirt, camouflage all the time, whatever. Those are the pictures that you need to have. Don't dress up in a suit and tie or in an evening gown. If you ever plan on meeting the other person it will go a long way in validating your profile.
4. Know what you are looking for:
This one is hard because its not something we really think about a lot.
For the first year of online dating I had no idea what I was looking for, all that mattered to me at the time was that they were attractive and interested in me. After a year of failed dates and crappy experiences I had to rethink my strategy. I didn't know what I was looking for and it took me a while to figure it out. Here is basically what I did to figure it out. My Ideal woman had to be attractive to me, had to have her own job and vehicle, had to have grown up outside the city on an acreage or farm, had to have a little bit of a bad side (can't be a goody two shoes)
had to have a good sense of humor and had to be a smoker. That's what I came up with and if I met a girl with that criteria then she was who I started to go for. Let me say this in my defense, it was very slim pickings and it took 2 more years after I decided my criteria to meet her But it was a much more enjoyable 2 years because I set up more rules for myself.
5. Be confident, not cocky, don't be a pushover
When I say be confident, it means when you state something, stick to it if you really meant it or morally uphold that ideal. Do not let anyone take that from you and stand up for what you believe in. You loved the show "Facts of Life" while growing up. Someone will tease you for that, let them, but defend what you loved about that show and the other person might see that you are no pushover. Don't take back what have stated (unless it was an insult) don't go back on your word and always be nice about it. I talked with a girl who was very unsure about me, and when she finally started talking to me online she said she didn't like cowboy hats, so in my stupidity I took it off my profile and told her I did. She instantly stopped the conversation and blocked me. What I should have did was explained to her that I was not into cowboys but wore a cowboy hat to a party one night just to be different, I got so many compliments on it that I decided to wear it more often. Which is the plain honest truth.
6.KISS (K-eep i-t s-imple s-tupid)
OK, so you have been chatting online and you have decided to finally meet, Do not go for supper, even though you want to make a good impression, instead go for coffee even if you don't drink coffee. Here is why, say you do meet and you find out the other person has not been honest with their profile, do you want to spend a few hours in a restaurant with someone who has clearly lied to you? Of course not. On the other side if you do really click in person while on your coffee date you can always ask to go some place else, to dinner for example. If you don't click you can have a 5 minute conversation enjoy your coffee and then explain that there is no chemistry on your end and you can leave shortly thereafter feeling relieved that you didn't waste the time on someone you are not interested in.
7.Warning Signs
If your person of interest starts out conversations or asks you to divulge any indication on how much money you make, what kind of vehicle you drive, if you own your own home, or refuses to go for coffee, saying that dinner is more appropriate..ect. All these thing have no bearing on who you are. Keep in mind these sort of questions may come up later but not when first chatting with someone.
Other tips:
How to start an opening statement to someone you are interested in.
Start with "Warning Do Not Open" "Contents may be hot" "Read this at your own risk"
These opening statements just stand out more than the usual "Hi how ya doing"
Hopefully this helps someone.
Scott Goerz
