Farting Fanatics

We have all been in an enclosed space, be it the inside of a car, a small room, or an elevator, and somebody has to let one rip.  A disgusting clue as to what they have eaten over the last 24 hours and you get to be the unlucky contestant that get to guess what it was whether you want to or not.

Everybody poops, everybody pees, and everybody farts.

Why is it that some of us get really upset when someone else farts in our presence?  It's not like it's a controllable part of our bodily functions, sure you may be able to hold it for a while but it is going to get out eventually and nothing you, or anyone can do to stop it.   So why do people get so mad when they smell someone else's passed gas?

I had a friend tell me one time that there are feces particles in the gas that comes out of you when we fart.
The gases that comprise a fart are, nitrogen, oxygen, methane, hydrogen and carbon dioxide, plus volatile methyl sulfides have been identified as responsible for the odor, and to a lesser degree, hydrogen sulfide gas and methanethiol. All are byproducts of bacteria in the digestive tract and are recognized by the nose as volatile organic compounds.

Well that sounds all scientific and stuff, the short answer is no, there is an exception to this rule that states if you are closer to the source of the fart the more likely chance there is that you will be breathing in the gut bacteria that is in the gas and is considered poop particles.  So the answer becomes a yes as well . 

I had a friend that used to get so angry if someone let loose a gas monster in his car, he would lose his mind, and on the other side of the spectrum a different friend of mine thought farts to be extremely funny, so of course when these two types of people meet, the louder one person starts to complain the louder the other laughs.

Farting is sometimes embarrassing, which is why some people don't admit to doing it.  You could be at a job interview, or trying to impress someone like a girlfriend or boyfriend so it is common to pretend you are not the culprit if you can get away with it.  If you were in a cab together you could blame it on the driver.

Bottom line, try to have some decency for others, if you are in an elevator you probably could hold it until you got out, if you can, open a window, because nobody wants to smell your shit no matter how funny you think it is. 


Scott Goerz

Fine Print Scam

Who reads the terms and conditions on all the apps and games we download? I sure don't, I usually skip to the end and hit accept.

First of all, the terms and conditions is written in lawyer jargon, you would have to have a degree in university and pass the bar exam to understand what it means. It's also so long and boring that you would fall asleep before you got to the end.

Normally the terms and conditions are to protect the owner of the product, just in case someone decides to sue them for any injustices they might be feeling. 

There are products such as miracle weight loss or products that are too good to be true. We read the contract as much as we can but there is always some part in there, where the writing is so small that you can barely read it and it contains the most dangerous part of the contract.  How is this legal in any way shape or form?  It can also be hidden or worded in a way that almost nobody would understand.

I just read a scam that involves Amazon. In the article it says that you find the most amazing deal online, and since it's on Amazon it must be legit, but the scammer is going to send you a counterfeit product or nothing at all.  The way they get away with this is that they will claim that the product will take 3 to 4 week delivery. 

Amazon pays its sellers every 2 weeks so the scammer will receive their money from you long before your product is supposed to arrive or you realize that it's a scam.  Trying to go through amazon litigation is a pain in the butt and you may never see your refund, due to the fact that the scammer closes shop and opens up another one in a different name, Amazon can't collect the refund from them.

The free trial is one of the biggest frauds out there, where it claims that after the trial period is over, you will have to pay a certain sum of money with no end date. Meaning you will be locked into that contract for the rest of your life with no way out.  That company can sue you for not paying because you agreed to the contract without reading it.

I've heard of an A.I. lawyer, basically it's an app that reads contracts and finds the sketchy parts for you, then it warns you that accepting the terms is non advisable.  Maybe better apps in the future will help us but for right now, if you think something is too good to be true or you have a suspicion that something isn't right there is someone online that has already been scammed and has it documented for you to google search it.

Scott Goerz

Teaching Your Kids To Lie

Nobody wants their child or children to lie, but for some reason it happens all the time and by the time they become adults, you have taught them all your dirty tricks and they have learned a few of their own that they will eventually teach their children.

I'm sure you are one of those people that thinks that you do not teach your kids to lie. Let me assure you that you do, don't be offended, everybody does it even if it's unintentional.  You may be thinking, how do I inadvertently teach my kids to lie?

Have you ever had a phone call that you didn't want to take and you tell your kid to tell the person that called that you are unavailable?  You just taught you kid to lie.

Have you ever told your kid to answer the door and tell the person at the door that your parents aren't home? You just taught your kid to lie.

Don't tell your father, don't tell your sister, don't tell your brother, your aunt, your grandma, or even a friend of the family. You just taught your kid to lie.

Anytime you lie to someone and your child is around to hear it they learn from your example. You teach your kids the little secrets about lying that you learn over the years and they retain that knowledge and use it for themselves.

The next time your kids lie to your face don't get too mad at them, if they get away with a lie one time and it got them out of trouble, like you, they will do it again and again, and besides you are probably the one that taught them to lie in the first place.

Scott Goerz

Morbid And Odd Thoughts

During the day, and it doesn't matter what I'm doing these weird, funny, atrocious thoughts pop in and out of existence in my mind periodically. I thought I would share some of them with you today.

After watching a video game of a vr title called Blind I wondered if blind people masturbate.  They must right? They are after all only human. The next thought that I had was that it would be pretty funny to squirt a water pistol into the blind mans face while he was masturbating from afar.

Obviously that thought led to another morbid thought, if a person clapped their hands gently and rhythmic in the back of a movie theatre and then made some moaning noises just before shooting a water pistol across the back of the heads of the audience.

While driving, I have often thought about pushing the person ahead of me into the ditch, and any other subsequent driver that is going too slow and is in my way.  

This morbid thought has never been done but I believe it could be possible.  You could punch your best friend in the face as hard as you like on purpose, as long as you apologize profusely afterwards and say it was an accident.

Jump behind the movie line concession stand and get my own damn popcorn. You could also go into any kitchen in any restaurant to inspect the way they are cooking your food. Someone told me once that you have the right to request this at any establishment.

Wondering what would happen if I spiked my parents and my grandmothers food with magic mushrooms at a family dinner. Would we all have a really good time or would we try to kill each other or would we all end up in the hospital?

That's it for today.

Scott Goerz

Go Back In Time

If you could go back in time and give yourself some advice, what would it be?  If you could somehow rearrange an event so that a different result would happen, where do you think your life would have gone?

I have pondered questions like these all my life and I honestly have no idea if anything would be different. One of the main reasons for my reasoning is that when I was a younger man, I was a complete asshole.  Even if I could go back and tell myself something I doubt my past self would listen. My past self would probably laugh and tell my future self to F-off.

Setting that aspect to the side, lets say I did listen to my much wiser future advice. One thing I would have liked to change was how I was schooled, but how do you tell your past self to work harder and be smarter?  My Schooling was stunted by idiotic teachers and over protective parents, I was held back in grade three, then they wanted to do it again in grade 5.

The school had a program for "Challenged" children and there was a special class that they claimed was a mixture of grade 6-7 one year, 8-9 the next year.  I knew it was a class for morons, and it was, but I met of my best friends there, and while that class was utterly useless it did teach me to toughen up and to take care of myself.  Those little life lessons got me good jobs and helped shape the way I earned money later in life.

The friends I did have before the new class, all ostracized me, and would be embarrassed to talk to me because I was in a special class. As a kid you don't understand why other kids you grew up with would no longer talk to you.  Kids can truly be cruelest beings on the planet at times.

My young rebellious self did get into a lot of trouble but if I took one of those events away it wouldn't have made much difference on my future. I would have gone and done a different bad thing somewhere else.  The schooling was the turning point for me, from good to bad in a heartbeat of my total life. There is no fixing that with some good advice.

Everything else was a learning experience, it turned me into who I am now, At this moment, I am in a good spot in my life and I think I turned out just fine. (But there is always room for improvement.)

Scott Goerz

Do Yourself A Favor

I posted this on my blog a while ago, back when I first started writing.  I thought I would update it now that I have more people reading it.  It's about how many calories you burn while basically doing nothing all day but adds things in like bathrooms breaks and showers.  

Healthy living

 "A primarily sedentary person is one who doesn't exercise and performs only the activities of daily life, such as showering, light chores and walking around the house or office. An adult man who is 5 feet 10 inches tall, weighs 154 pounds and is between 19 and 30 years old, burns about 2,400 to 2,600 calories daily.

 Between the ages of 31 to 50 years, this average man burns 2,200 to 2,400 calories daily and after age 51, between 2,000 and 2,200 calories daily.

 A woman who is 5 feet 4 inches tall and weighs 126 pounds burns 1,800 to 2,000 calories daily when between the ages of 19 and 30 years. From ages 31 to 50, this burn rate averages about 1,800 calories daily and decreases to 1,600 calories per day after age 51."

So on average men and women normally burn around 2000 calories sitting around all day. 


I'll also add in this new study I found describing how many calories we burn while asleep at night.


As you likely expect, the number of calories you burn while sleeping is low, with the exact amount depending on your weight. If you weigh 160 pounds, you burn 69 calories per hour while sleeping, the FitWatch website calculates, which adds up to 552 calories burned during eight hours of sleep.

A 120-pound person burns 51 calories per hour sleeping, or 408 for eight hours; a 200-pound person burns 86 calories per hour, or 688 for eight hours of sleep.

Body Temperature

 You’ll burn more calories, several extra hundred each night,  while you sleep if you keep your body temperature cooler. When you bundle up in heavy blankets and wear thick pajamas, your body does not have to work to supply natural body heat.

Sleeping with a cooler body temperature, sans excess blankets and cozy pajamas, makes your body’s thermostat work to provide natural body heat.

So on an average 24-hour day with eight hours of sleep, men and women typically burn 2600 calories on average.

You would have to exceed this amount of calories to gain weight, but keep in mind that this is all while you are doing next to nothing, if you work at a physical job, exercise or even go shopping on a regular basis walking around is going to burn more calories.

 If you moderate what you eat (It doesn't matter what you eat) and move around a little more than usual you will see a benefit to your health.

These scam diets and weight loss clinics that have you starving and drinking weird concoctions  can disappear in my opinion. All you need is some knowledge and common sense and we will all be fine.

Eat what you like, fries and gravy, chicken wings, chocolate, whatever, but do it in moderation and keep your portions low.

Scott Goerz

Everybody Needs A Pat On The Back

It used to be what we all needed, reassurance that we are doing a good job.  I'm older now and I don't need a pat on the back to know that the job I'm doing is a good one. I know I do good work, it's not egotistical, it's pride, and whenever I do anything I want to look back and be proud of my accomplishment.

A lot of people out there do not have that sense that what they are doing is good work, and they second guess themselves constantly.  These people need to have someone else tell them they have done a good job to give them confidence to carry on.

When we get taken for granted, and the work we do becomes just a task that needs to be carried out and our peers look down on us with scorn when it isn't done in an acceptable manner, is when we start doing that same task with less effort.

Everybody needs a pat on the back so that they don't just do the task, they exceed at doing it.  The feeling of gratitude from others when you have worked really hard at something will make you want to do it again and again, and each time maybe you will do it a little better than you did before.

I do find that too much praise will go to some peoples head, so there has to be an equal balance of negativity and positivity. Maybe not negativity but instead constructive criticism.

Our children need this type of experience when they are learning chores and life skills.  As parents we sometimes get into a routine of always complaining when something isn't up to our standards.  When children or anyone always hears the negative side of things, why would they want to improve upon them? We have to acknowledge the good things they do and not just the bad. 

Scott Goerz